I'm in yer uberhoot loling yer catz
I am enjoying Wikipedia's scholarly discussion of the term LOLCAT, and its related programming language, lolcode.

There is also apparently a quiz where you can find out which lolcat you are. Since the lolcat fad is played out, it might be too late to get involved, but you should at least arm yourself with knowledge about internet meme fads that have come and gone.  ¶ 8:35 PM 4 Comments

  Bacon makes a pretty good snack

Yesterday mind-morning, after I put the kid down for a nap I decided to make myself a little fried egg sandwich. I put an English muffin in the toaster oven, started heating the skillet and pulled a couple of eggs out of the fridge. As I was getting the eggs out, I noticed that we still had some microwave bacon left over from club sandwich night. Mmmmm...bacon. "Oh, what the hell, " I thought. I got three strips out and popped them in the microwave, planning on starting it right before I was ready to pull the eggs off the fire.

The sandwich was pretty good, it's always a good idea for me to eat in the morning on days when I'm home alone with the kid because the afternoons can sometimes get hectic and it's not always easy to find the time to grab a snack.

After my brunch was done I went back to work for an hour or so, which is my usual routine on these days. After the kid wakes up from her early nap I usually give her a bottle of milk and then we play or an hour or so before lunch time.

Yesterday's lunch was rice and beans, and when I went to heat it up on the microwave...oops...there was this morning's bacon. This is not unusual, as I am somewhat inclined to forget to nuke the bacon. Since it had only been sitting there for an hour or so, I decided to go ahead and just heat it up, and I have to say, I have discovered the joys of bacon as a between-meals snack. Especially the microwave version.

Enjoy!

  ¶ 9:16 PM 3 Comments

  I'd like to party with this dude

 How does this read to you? Because, at first I had a transliteral reading. But, actually, the literal reading is kinda funnier.

  ¶ 7:00 PM 2 Comments

  My Personal Hero There are few people in this world I really envy - only those who are smarter, richer, or more attractive than I am. Okay, well, there are a LOT of people that I envy, apparently. But there are very few who I consider my hero. Tops on that list is a man near and dear to my heart, and my name: Byrd. The man does nothing but sit around in silence and let out the occasional snarky laugh, and has been a Television Star for years.

For those of you not "in the know" - and by "in the know" I mean "prone to watching crap daytime TV due to the evil powers of your Tivo-esque device" - Byrd is Judge Judy's right-hand man, her bailiff, if you will. While JJ spends all day prating about how kids these days should quit doing perfectly reasonable things like loaning strangers money and parents should stop letting their kids' friends drive, just because they're 14, Byrd stands off in the corner glaring at miscreants - only being called out of his cage on the rare occasion he needs to put the verbal smackdown on some hooligan. Poised, alert, intelligent, and fundamentally lazy - he's everything I hoped I'd be. Here's to you, Byrd, truly, the greatest American Hero.  ¶ 7:22 PM 2 Comments

  Banner update Note that the Nup added a little robot dude to the right side of the banner. He drew it one day in a drawing challenge, the challenge being "dude made out of Legos." He won. My drawing sucked. Never involve yourself in drawing challenges with graphic designers.  ¶ 11:22 PM 3 Comments

  IM'ing with the wife

Even though, right now, we're sitting approximately 10 feet apart and facing each other, my wife and i have been having an IM conversation. It goes this way:

C.L. says:
I heard that pea cryin for a second
C.L. says:
Hopefully she will battle her way back to sleeps
monster tracker tyrone says:
oh really?
C.L. says:
Y
monster tracker tyrone says:
she's been coughing a bit
C.L. says:
She's a teeny sick pea
monster tracker tyrone says:
i'm not hearing any pea action
C.L. says:
No all seems quiet on the pea front
C.L. says:
I want a PBJ
C.L. says:
!
C.L. says:
Wedgie claims to have posted
C.L. says:
to ube
monster tracker tyrone says:
that's funny, because I was just thinking about that this afternoon. thinking that i wanted one.
C.L. says:
It is time for the making of the pbJ's
monster tracker tyrone says:
yeah, i saw a wedgie post. did you see bird's e-mail?
C.L. says:
??
C.L. says:
no
C.L. says:
I just responded to bird
C.L. says:
Time for pbj
C.L. says:
Are you in
C.L. says:
?
monster tracker tyrone says:
am i in?
C.L. says:
PBJ
C.L. says:
CLUE TIME!!
C.L. says:
HELLOOOO
C.L. says:
Don't make me buy a second typewriter
monster tracker tyrone says:
nah...i'm good
monster tracker tyrone says:
you know, i think it's that new fence...that kinda musty, cedar-y smell.
C.L. says:
I'm thinking Royal Quiet DeLuxe... red
monster tracker tyrone says:
red, huh
C.L. says:
Its rainy rainerson

Labels: technology

  ¶ 9:07 PM 2 Comments

  Hi, my name is Chris. I am a Blagger. Is there a 12 step for laziness? Probably not, and nobody would attend. Too much trouble.

So certain other bloggers and blaggers have pestered me for ages to post something lest they terminate uberhoot.net. I have been beaten down enough. I submit.

The problem is, I never have anything to say. I could post about a trip to West Texas for a family member's wedding, but that seemed dull. As dull as Texas. Just cotton and oil and flat forever. Do you get it?

But then I suppose today was pretty nice. 80 degrees, clear, nice breeze, lots of people out, good surf. No party still, but pretty good.

I'll have to think harder about something better to post. I hope I don't find the site 404d anytime soon.

Later.  ¶ 7:58 PM 3 Comments

  In the Headlines Vice President Cheney took the reins as president of the United States yesterday for approximately 2.5 hours, while George W. Bush was to undergo a colonoscopy. The White House press secretary declined to reveal what time of day exactly the transfer of power/colonoscopy would take place.

What, if anything, did Acting President Cheney do during his brief tenure in office? Was there any discernable change in the free world during those moments?

Cheney has officially held the highest office in place of Bush once before, five years ago during Bush’s last colonoscopy. This is just one of the many perks of being a Vice President when the President has chronic rectal polyps.

Bush is setting a good example for all of us. Colonoscopies can save lives. Ask your doctor about having one right away.

In other news, scientists discovered that queen bees use mind control. They secrete a pheromone that inhibits a worker bee’s ability to learn. By doing so she can keep her subjects calm, quiet and submissive.

I predict it is not long until scientists begin collecting this pheromone for confidential government purposes. Perhaps it is already being done. Conspiracy theorists and authors of thriller novels, take note.  ¶ 6:00 PM 2 Comments

  Ghost Town Well, I am here to announce that the Uberhoot experiment might be nearing the end of its run, due to lack of posts. That said, I am randomly thinking about what I might turn it into. Possibly a graveyard of random things I have collected over the years. In which case, the site should actually be called The Completist, but probably that name is taken.

Darn.  ¶ 10:53 AM 1 Comments

  Enter the beer hat

On the matter of this. I have brained on it. The way I see it, there are a couple of ways to use this particular device. You could go with a classic G&T or V&T (or even J&C). In this case you're basically using the container like a flask. Or like that staple of college parties everywhere, the beer helmet (pictured at left).

I think that the problem that you'd run into is that all of those drinks require a certain level of mixing. I think you'd be better off filling it up with, say, a couple of good scotches or even some premium tequilas. Since it looks like there's not a whole lot of room on either side, I think you could only fit one shot in there anyway.

  ¶ 9:36 PM 0 Comments

  Things on my desk This blog is going downhill. Fast. Thus I present you:

Things on my desk

1)Two half empty cans of Welch;s 100% apple juice
2) Yellow Avery Hi-Liter
3) Sanrio Tenorikuma notebook containing illegible scribbles about Help files for online small business technology product
4) Ink-stained Eddie Bauer backpack purse thing full of reciepts and NUK pacifiers
5) Trader Joe's moisturizing cream container
6) Dirty coffee mug emblazoned with name of corporate employer
7) A crumbled banana sticker
8) Keys
9) Tape dispenser
10) "I.T. made easy" post it note pad upon which is written "Enable yr store..change business info.. change the prodctlrtsorpipeline"
11) Picture of baby
12) Chopstick wrapper

People--- this web site is getting desperate. This was pretty good proof of that. Post or perish, is the takeaway here. The fate of this site is in your hands.  ¶ 12:40 PM 1 Comments

  Booze: "The lube of life"
I found one of those weird oil and vinegar bottles for $1 at a garage sale this weekend (not exactly like this one pictured here, but you get the idea), and asked the husband to write one of his notorious booze posts about the ideal kind of drink to serve in such a device. He says he needs a day to "brain on it." I suggested that you could possibly do a depth-charge type of drink, you know, isn't that the thing where you drop the shot glass of some type of booze into a beer or something? Or maybe a separated gin and tonic? I don't know, I've never been a very accomplished drinker. Anyone have any suggestions?  ¶ 10:14 PM 1 Comments

  Now we are (thirty-) five...
A group of friends and I got together at a restaurant on a Thursday night to celebrate the Lizard's birthday.

Due to circumstances that are beyond my ability to explain, the party was highlighted by:

1. Me quote singing unquote "When I Fall in Love", a song which I know and can sing decently a cappella, but cannot sing decently when accompanied by the world's slowest karaoke machine.
2. Other members of the party quote singing unquote "I Will Survive", "What's Up?", "Pretty Woman", "Desperado", and another song that no one had ever heard of and that also lasted 20 minutes, I swear.
3. A lengthy bout of group sexual harassment perpetrated by an old man singing a song that had only the lyrics "Stay and let me love you..." (He was going home with one of us, be it male or female, or die trying).
4. A man, and I am NOT MAKING THIS UP, wearing chartreuse velvet pleated pants, a coordinating chartreuse velvet bedazzled vest, a black shirt, and a black leather beanie who started off quote singing unquote "Word Up!" but then made all of us sing so he could pop, spin, and breakdance in the middle of the restaurant, with the server stepping over him to deliver food and drinks.

We may be old, but we can still kick it.

Labels: food, friends, music

  ¶ 12:35 PM 1 Comments

  Wrong caption I'm sittin there in the cafeteria today eating some godforsaken corporate salad, and I come across today's installment of that old creaky standby, Mother Goose & Grimm, a comic apparently about an old goose and her dog, except when it is in random service of a play on words, and features neither Mother Goose nor Grimm.

So I read this caption and immediately sensed that something was off. Would this not have been funnier (well, relative to the world of MG&G) had the caption been "Careful, these plates are *hot*?" What's with the cold? That's just crappy punchline writing, is what that is. I mean, I see that he is going for this broad sort of "things are different in Hell" approach, the old "Ha ha this is the opposite of what it actually should be" trope upon which comic dinosaurs perpetually lean, but had the plates been hot, this would have actually elevated the punchline from "opposite" to "irony," which should be a concept covered in Syndicated Comic Dinosaurs 101.

Someone fire this guy. Oh wait-- Once you are syndicated in the paper, you apparently have tenure beyond even the grave, so never mind*.

*Although allow me to add that in using the example of Charles Schultz, I mean no disrespect, since although his later life comics seemed to revolve around school children spending a lot of time on the golf course, he is one of the great comic writers of all time, and probably deserves his post-lifetime pass.  ¶ 11:47 AM 5 Comments

  Zach Braff and I should just get married, already... In recent days, Hollywood has churned out limp partially-formed sequels to decades-old blockbuster hits that weren't that good to begin with.

I am jumping on the bandwagon...

My first list copied from Tiny-Dog: Debi H and the New Black Video iPod
1) Fiona Apple, "A Mistake"
2) Feist, "Honey Honey"
3) Colin Hay, "Waiting for My Real Life to Begin"
4) The Presidents of the United States, "Lump"
(...the live acoustic hippy-dippy version)
5) Spin Doctors, "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"
6) Sinead O'Connor, "Mandinka"
7) Simon & Garfunkel, "The Only Living Boy in New York"
8) Popstar Assassins, "Why I'm Holding Out"
9) Underworld, "Thrash"
10) The Beatles, "Get Back"
11) Culture Club, "Church of the Poison Mind"
12) Stevie Nicks, "Nightbird"
13) Burl Ives, "A Holly, Jolly Christmas"

My second list: iPodding 2: Electric Boogaloo
1) 10,000 Maniacs, "The Lion's Share"
2) The White Stripes, "We are Going to be Friends"
3) The Beatles, "Lady Madonna"
4) The Police, "I Burn For You"
5) Pearl Jam, "Why Go?"
6) Frankie Goes To Hollywood, "Relax"
7) Bob Marley, "Waiting In Vain"
8) Scissor Sisters, "Filthy Gorgeous"
9) Maria McKee, "Breathe"
10) Tears For Fears, "Sowing the Seeds of Love"
11) Violent Femmes, "Gimme the Car"
12) Big Boi, "Knowing"

Labels: music, poseurs

  ¶ 6:00 PM 2 Comments

  Things I have drawn with Microsoft Paint during meetings Click this image to experience hi-res pixel artistry at its finest. Questions you may have:

Q: Is that a tangerine?
A: I was eating a box of satsumas at the time.

Q: Is it smoking?
A: Yes.

Q: Is that your fish, No Name #3?
A: Yes.

Q: Why is your dragon so lame?
A: I do not know.

Q: Whose heart is that a drawing of?
A: Mine.

Q: Which convenience store sells the Supr Sip?
A: That one by the thing on the corner.  ¶ 5:04 PM 2 Comments

  kPod

A special request for a "dregs of your hard drive drawing" ala Douglass Coupleland's latest works (though I haven't yet read jPod, based on the last lamely taped together scraps he released as novels, I probably won't get around to this one any time soon).  ¶ 11:55 PM 2 Comments

  People who I blame There needs to be new content.

There isn't any.

There are several, specific people I blame, Chris and Bird, but I will not name any names.

That is all.  ¶ 11:19 AM 0 Comments

  Blaggers A blagger is my sniglet for someone who spends far more time nagging you about your lack of blog entries than they do composing their own. I admit, my blog is part of the world wide cob-web, and is likely to become more so with the resurgence of this here hoot-dom, but that's just how I roll.

So, I've now been blagged into my first post for the e-berhoot (if you're reading this on a Mac, that's iBerhoot). And I've decided that what this blog really needs, in order to enter the Web 2.0 era, is a picture of a cat with some sort of inane 1337-speek caption. Voila! Now I've truly brought this iZine into the modern era.  ¶ 6:42 PM 4 Comments

  Sushi Casserole This year my top pick for 4th of July holiday dishes is Sushi Casserole. Sushi Casserole is more of a concept than a specific recipe—a concept whose time has come. It can also be called Sushi Lasagna, the seaweed replacing pasta (and rice replacing cheese).

Fusion recipes are a great way to honor the melting pot spirit of diversity in our fine country. Sushi casserole combines a traditional American-style dish with the exotic flavors of Japan, along with undertones of Italy. If old Aunt Petunia won’t touch sushi, she'll have no idea what she just ate until after it's gone, and by then she'll have forgotten about it.

Sushi casserole takes less skill and time to put together than the traditional California roll, ideal for busy Americans who have little time and even fewer skills to speak of. Folks from some parts of America may downright refuse to eat a “California roll” since they don’t live in California, and may not support “alternative lifestyles,” nudists, or hot tubs.

To create a Sushi Casserole, simply follow a basic recipe for rolled sushi. Instead of rolling, layer the ingredients in a casserole dish. For presentation cut casserole into small squares and spear with red, white and blue ornamented toothpicks. It is sure to be the star of any buffet.

Labels: food

  ¶ 9:46 PM 4 Comments

  My friend's upcoming vacation/incarceration So, I have this friend. She is going to be in Los Angeles for a few hours someday soon, and is looking around for something to do to pass the time waiting for her plane.

Just any old thing. Drinking coffee at a cafe. Buying 27 bags of cashews. Sliming her way onto the set of a certain TV show. Snapping interesting and artistic photographs. Interrupting filming to make unwanted marriage proposals. Posting bail at the Long Beach County Detention Facility. Stuff like that.

Stay tuned for further developments.  ¶ 5:11 PM 0 Comments

  Introducing: Ube Toob
What is Ube Toob you ask? Well, what internet content repository is complete without asinine videos taken by random fools I ask you? Uberhoot strives to be no different than the rest. Thus I bring you the inagural entry: Panic Alarm.

Uberhootians, start up your video cameras. I want another entry, stat. Don't make me bust out "Bird falling down at Cal Anderson park."  ¶ 7:51 AM 1 Comments

  Devil duck race!
This weekend, the first leg of the 2007 Seattle devil duck races got underway at Cal Anderson park in Capitol Hill, in a particularly treacherous fountain featuring a whitewater chute that empties into a pylon-studded sea.

I am not sure who won. If you were there, please let me know. I was too busy kicking my duck.

Ceremonies concluded with random cake items at Espresso Vivace.  ¶ 9:43 PM 1 Comments