My Personal Hero There are few people in this world I really envy - only those who are smarter, richer, or more attractive than I am. Okay, well, there are a LOT of people that I envy, apparently. But there are very few who I consider my hero. Tops on that list is a man near and dear to my heart, and my name: Byrd. The man does nothing but sit around in silence and let out the occasional snarky laugh, and has been a Television Star for years.

For those of you not "in the know" - and by "in the know" I mean "prone to watching crap daytime TV due to the evil powers of your Tivo-esque device" - Byrd is Judge Judy's right-hand man, her bailiff, if you will. While JJ spends all day prating about how kids these days should quit doing perfectly reasonable things like loaning strangers money and parents should stop letting their kids' friends drive, just because they're 14, Byrd stands off in the corner glaring at miscreants - only being called out of his cage on the rare occasion he needs to put the verbal smackdown on some hooligan. Poised, alert, intelligent, and fundamentally lazy - he's everything I hoped I'd be. Here's to you, Byrd, truly, the greatest American Hero.  ¶ 7:22 PM