In the Headlines Vice President Cheney took the reins as president of the United States yesterday for approximately 2.5 hours, while George W. Bush was to undergo a colonoscopy. The White House press secretary declined to reveal what time of day exactly the transfer of power/colonoscopy would take place.

What, if anything, did Acting President Cheney do during his brief tenure in office? Was there any discernable change in the free world during those moments?

Cheney has officially held the highest office in place of Bush once before, five years ago during Bush’s last colonoscopy. This is just one of the many perks of being a Vice President when the President has chronic rectal polyps.

Bush is setting a good example for all of us. Colonoscopies can save lives. Ask your doctor about having one right away.

In other news, scientists discovered that queen bees use mind control. They secrete a pheromone that inhibits a worker bee’s ability to learn. By doing so she can keep her subjects calm, quiet and submissive.

I predict it is not long until scientists begin collecting this pheromone for confidential government purposes. Perhaps it is already being done. Conspiracy theorists and authors of thriller novels, take note.  ¶ 6:00 PM